When you’re in the thick of a parenting challenge — your child is refusing to listen, there’s a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store, or your teen just slammed a door in your face — the natural question is: What do I do?!
Most parents I work with come to me asking that very question. They’re searching for strategies — the how-tos, the step-by-step solutions to help their child listen better, cooperate more, or behave differently.
And strategies can be incredibly helpful. I share them often in my articles and on social media. They are smart, research-based approaches that really can make parenting easier.
But when I work directly with parents, we go deeper. We don’t just talk about what to do — we focus on what it means to be the kind of parent who can handle the heat of the moment with clarity and confidence.
Because here’s the truth:
Parenting strategies are what you DO. Parenting skills are about who you ARE in the moment.
The Hidden Power of Parenting Skills
Let’s say you’ve learned a great strategy for handling tantrums — maybe it’s staying calm, setting a limit, and giving your child a choice. That’s a solid plan. But if you’re already overwhelmed, triggered, and reactive, it’s going to be hard (if not impossible) to actually follow through.
That’s where skills come in.
- The skill of staying calm when everything in you wants to yell.
- The skill of regulating your emotions when your child is losing control.
- The skill of parenting from neutral — not from anger, frustration, or fear — so you can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
These are real, learnable skills. But they don’t come from reading a list of tips. They come from practice, support, and yes — sometimes stumbling and trying again.
It’s like trying to learn how to swim from a book. You can read all about strokes and breathing techniques, but until you actually get in the pool and start practicing — ideally with a coach nearby — you won’t really know how to swim.
Parenting is no different. Strategies are your strokes. Skills are your ability to stay afloat when the waves hit.
Why Skills Come First
You can collect every parenting trick in the book, but if you haven’t built the skills to stay centered in the moment, those tricks will fly out the window when your child starts pushing your buttons.
That’s not because you’re failing — it’s because you’re human.
But when you develop the inner skills to regulate your emotions, stay grounded, and lead with clarity, you suddenly have access to those strategies in real time. You can use them effectively because you’re calm enough to think clearly.
And here's the beautiful bonus: when you practice emotional regulation, your child learns it too. Not because you told them to — but because you modeled it.
Raising a New Generation
This is the real work of parenting — not just trying to manage behavior, but building emotional resilience in ourselves and our children.
When you commit to learning parenting skills, you’re not just becoming a more effective parent. You’re shaping the emotional health of the next generation. You’re teaching your kids how to manage themselves, how to connect with others, and how to face challenges with courage and compassion.
Strategies may help in the short-term. But skills transform your long-term parenting journey — and your family dynamic as a whole.
So the next time you find yourself asking, “What should I do?”, take a breath and ask instead: “Who do I want to be in this moment?”
Because that question leads you to the deeper, lasting change — the kind that not only helps you get through the tough moments, but helps you grow stronger because of them.
Parenting is not about being perfect. It’s about learning, practicing, and showing up with heart.
Let the strategies support you — but build your foundation on skills. That’s where the real magic happens.
Want help practicing those parenting skills? I’m here for it — and I’d love to support you on the journey. Click here to join my email community to get weekly strategies and tips exclusive to my Confident Parenting email community and find out how to build your skills.
